I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
there is glitter all over my balls
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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