i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
