I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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