idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
me + whiskey = a bad person
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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