I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
