sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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