Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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