what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize