Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
