im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So. Much. Porn.
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