96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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