Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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