sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
