im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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