Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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