We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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