i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
