i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have already put on my inside pants.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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