Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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