After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
