but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
only you would photoshop your dick
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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