how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
