It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
