At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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