there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
