I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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