Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
