I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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