Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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