I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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