I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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