he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
