this beer tastes like vomit already
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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