I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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