Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
