It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
