My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
