Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
