I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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