The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
