The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
