k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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