Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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