Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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