wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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