I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
