The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
