he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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