I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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