Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I will be naked everywhere
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
