Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
