it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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