Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize