you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you traded sex for a burrito?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
