i may or may not be watching the land before time
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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