Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
