i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
