Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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