I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
