a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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