I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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