I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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