my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
