wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
where are my eyebrows?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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