Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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