physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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