Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
